A Hobbit's Gamble
by C.Queen
Summary: While suffering from his line's obsession with gold Thorin Oakenshield rashly makes an agreement with the Shire's Thain that results in him having to marry one of the hobbit's relatives. Needless to say he isn't pleased, but cunningly picks Bilbo Baggins to be his consort. For his part Bilbo decides to accept the proposal, though Thorin will be quite surprised to find out why.
1. By Royal Decree

Disclaimer: As always I own nothing but the original characters and the situations all characters find themselves in. Everything else belongs to someone else and that's the way it's gotta be according to the lawyers.

Note: I freely admit to having screwed with timelines, ages, geography, and storyline. I will however strive to keep the characters in character and you entertained. You have been warned.

By Royal Decree

The Durin line's obsession with their mountain and its gold had exacted a heavy price. One would have thought that the decades the remaining members of the royal line had spent away from the Lonely Mountain, and how they'd come to lose their home in the first place, would have insured that the dwarves would have learned what was truly important in this world and what was not. But alas, the obsession continued down the line, lying dormant at times but always bubbling to the surface at the worst of times. Thorin, son of Thrain, had seen firsthand what the madness had done to his grandfather and yet, when he was faced with the opportunity to retake his home, when he had seen the mountain again after so many years away from it, he to fell victim to its seductive call like a fallen tree. And it was because of that, after the first attempt to retake the mountain had failed, that he ended up making an agreement with the people of the Shire that honor bound him to not only come to their aid should it be needed in the future-but also to marry one of their kind to cement the deal and insure that his honor would demand that he and those after him would do right by them.

Blinded by his obsession, Thorin Oakenshield had agreed to marry a hobbit.

His second campaign to take back his home had been successful because the halflings had not only provided medical aid and supplies, but had also known of a secret way into the mountain that had been accidentally created by Smaug during his assault on Erebor. They had also gifted him with a special potion that could be opened near the dragon, the vapors from it harmless to dwarves but guaranteed to paralyze the creature, thus enabling them to slay it thanks to the vulnerable spot they discovered in its scaly armor. The new king would have preferred to make it suffer, as his people had suffered, but to avoid the loss of his companions that is what they did.

It was while they worked to chop up and remove the beast's carcass from the hollowed walls of his ancestral home that sense started to return to Thorin, his mind clearing to not only the difficulties that awaited him and his people now that they had Erebor back, but to the price he would personally pay for this triumph.

Many in his company urged him to refuse to honor the bargain he had made, especially since he was now King Under the Mountain and any bride he might take would become his consort. In his weakest moments Thorin had considered doing precisely that, but in the end he had forced himself to accept that he could not dishonor his line even though the leader of the hobbits had taken advantage of him and the situation. He had let himself be used this way and he would look at the bride he would take as a constant reminder to never again let himself be controlled so again.

And he had gotten some revenge so to speak, a bad choice in wording made in the hastily drawn up contract he'd signed when agreeing to the Thain's demands in exchange for his help. It stated in the contract that he agreed to marry a member of the Thain's own family, not specifying who that someone was-or their gender.

When he'd been in negotiations one hobbit had been present who had tried to argue on the dwarves' behalf. The halfling had tried to reason with the Thain, believing that they should give the dwarves aid because it was the right thing to do, or only demand a small amount of coin in return for their help if some trade must be made. Once his head had cleared up Thorin had recalled the hobbit's attempts to help him and it hadn't taken much effort to learn that the halfling, whose name turned out to be Bilbo Baggins, was distantly related to the Thain. In fact, most hobbits were related to each other somehow and he had named the man as his choice for consort.

That had certainly shocked the Thain, who had no doubted imagine one of his female kin producing a heir for the new king who would one day take the throne, but he had his sister's sons as heirs and had no intention of allowing someone who was not purely dwarf to ascend the throne after him.

Not about to repay the hobbit's kindness by forcing the man into something against his will, Thorin had approached Bilbo first, having already learned that the other man was a confirmed bachelor who was well thought of by most and considered kind, intelligent, and known to have a surprising interest in the world around him that was apparently quite uncommon in a hobbit.

So he had visited the hobbit, explaining both his situation and his reasons for choosing him. It would be a marriage in name only, and while the next few years would not be easy in some ways he would provide the hobbit with whatever he desired and would place no responsibilities on his shoulders. He would live a life of privilege and prestige, the consort of a king.

What he would have done if Bilbo had refused him Thorin wasn't sure, but thankfully, after the halfling had asked for a couple days to think it all over, the other man had agreed to the arrangement and a new deal was struck.

Once Erebor was fit for it, there would be a royal wedding to mark its reclaiming.

)

Many in the Shire thought Bilbo Baggins insane for agreeing to marry the King Under the Mountain, and the hobbit didn't necessarily disagree that they were wrong. He'd long ago passed the age when most of his kind married, and though no one mentioned it to his face he had no doubt that it was whispered behind closed doors that he was one of those unfortunate hobbits born with the highly regrettably inclination to desire his own sex instead of a female as was proper. Which was indeed true, though he didn't see himself in the same light as the most conservative of his kind did. Of course unlike them he was fairly familiar with the other races and knew that such inclinations were accepted among the dwarves due to the rarity of women, marriage between two males even allowed if permission was granted by their king.

Since he was marrying the king he didn't anticipate that being a problem.

And he had not agreed to marry the dwarf because he desired to be rich, powerful or famous, he did not want to be the husband of a king with all the strings and obligations that entailed regardless of what the dwarf had said about the life ahead of him. No, he had agreed to the marriage because he wanted Thorin Oakenshield.

When he'd been young he'd loved, loved with all his very being until the thought of being without his beloved had made death seem more preferable. The hobbit he'd loved had not loved him to the same degree though, choosing to marry and have children as that was what was expected of any normal, respectable member of their society. His heart had been broken, his dreams shattered, and his desire to pursue other relationships had been pretty much non-existent for the past twenty odd years.

He'd been used to that life until Thorin Oakenshield had come to the Shire asking for their help, his stunning blue eyes burning from within with power and determination, the dwarf's hard, muscled body moving with warrior grace as the king had passionately pled his case while displaying a love for his people and home that had taken Bilbo completely aback and had shocked him into feeling, wanting-drawing him like a moth to a flame.

Not being a fool he knew he was being one, which didn't make sense to him even as he thought it, but Bilbo shoved that aside to concentrate on what was important to think about. Agreeing to marry a man who'd actually told him to his face that he found him so undesirable their marriage would be in name only-it was perhaps the stupidiest decision he'd made in his fifty some years of life. But the idea of this man, this beautiful man marrying some other hobbit because he'd said no-he hadn't been able to stand the thought of it. It had hurt too much. And it had been so long since he'd felt this way for someone that he'd been determined to seize his chance and try-try to find some way to make it work.

If it didn't-well then it would be one hell of an adventure, and he had promised his mother on her deathbed that he'd have at least one before he passed on too, carrying on the Took tradition of behaving in a way no proper hobbit would.

How he wished Frodo or Gandalf was around to talk to, the hobbit thought to himself with a sigh, missing them both dreadfully. They would miss the wedding too, which would no doubt peeve them both quite a lot when they learned of it. Merry and Pippin would be annoyed too, but that was only because the two hated to miss a party and opportunity to drive their relatives to drink that much quicker. The relatives in question were going to throw him a going away party, but none of them would be traveling with him to Erebor for the actually wedding. That was probably for the best in the long run, he knew, but more friendly faces would have been nice. Thorin had offered to arrange escorts for his people so that they could attend and be brought back to the Shire safely, but he'd told the dwarf that his kind weren't comfortable leaving their homes and the very idea of going to the Lonely Mountain would have a number of them reaching for their smelling salts. The other reason was that none of them approved of what he was doing, but he hadn't mentioned that to the king least he take it as an insult.

But he'd see Gandalf and his relatives when they got back from their journey to destroy the ring the dwarves had discovered on their trek to the Lonely Mountain, Bilbo reminded himself sternly, determined not to let the attitude of his kin affect him. Personally he didn't see how a mere ring could be cause for such concern, but according to Gandalf destroying it was of the utmost importance and his heir and three of the boy's friends had ended up going with the wizard, Strider, a dwarf and an elven prince. Frodo would have quite the tales to tell when he got back, no doubt.

And he would have stories to tell him in turn, Biblo acknowledged as he forced himself to turn his attention back to packing up the belongings he would be taking with him.

Quite the stories to tell all around.

)

Thorin had made it absolutely clear to his travel companions that they were to treat the halfling like he was already a member of the royal family. The five he'd asked to travel with him were some of his closest and most trusted friends, which was why they were still quite outraged that their king was being forced by honor to marry some hobbit. A hobbit was better than an elf, they agreed, but the queer creatures didn't grow beards, were obsessed with eating, and weak as babes when it came to the battlefield. And being male this hobbit wouldn't be able to provide Thorin with children, which meant that the halfling was going to be beyond useless and nothing but trouble.

Listening them discuss the odd things they'd heard about hobbits and their habits Thorin just shook his head and mentally prayed that they would behave once they reached his intended's home. He was particularly worried about Kili, but he hadn't thought it wise to leave the boy back at the mountain. His nephews were a lot more trouble together than they were apart, and he had left Fili somewhat in charge of things. Balin was supervising, naturally, but he'd thought it a good idea to give his heir a taste of what it was like to have a kingdom on your shoulders.

He imagined the boy was going to be ridiculously happy to see him when he got back.

"I still say he must be a terrible person-not even one of his relatives wanting to come to the wedding." Kili was saying when Thorin tuned back into the conversation, his nephew's stubbornness clear in his voice. "It's very suspicious, I tell you."

"And also true that hobbits don't like to leave their territory. They're shy and timid creatures after all. The unfamiliar scares them half to death." Nori countered, trying to be a little optimistic for their king's sake.

Kili considered this and then speculated as to whether or not this Bilbo Baggins would die of natural causes before they even got to the mountain, the shock of the three day journey doing him in.

Not liking the hope that was in his nephew's voice Thorin reminded the younger dwarf that his soon to be uncle had obviously thought he could handle the journey and life on the mountain since he'd agreed to marry him in the first place. And there would be no attempts to hurry the halfling to his death or betting as to when that might occur either.

The look on the faces of the other dwarves indicated his 'no betting' edict had come a little too late.

"Well I'm looking forward to meeting the wee fellow." Bofur announced, the dwarf having volunteered for this mission because he'd feared his companions would scare the hobbit off before the ring was even on the man's finger. Thorin had picked this hobbit for a reason, and while he didn't know precisely what that reason was Bofur was sure that of all the hobbits in the Shire Bilbo Baggins must be the best one.

Grateful for Bofur Thorin could only hope the dwarf and Bilbo became fast friends on the journey home. He was concerned about the fact that the hobbit would have no one at the mountain, especially given the less than warm reception the other man would face once they arrived. Many of his people were against this marriage, especially now that he was king and therefore had the clot to marry someone appropriate to that rank. That he had decided on this course of action wouldn't stop his people's prejudices where non-dwarves were concerned. But he had warned Bilbo that he would face some opposition, feeling it was only fair to alert the hobbit to the situation, and the man hadn't seemed worried about it and he could only hope it would remain that way.

Lost in his thoughts as to how he could make this easier on his intended Thorin was surprised when they crested a hill only to spot the hobbit in question waiting for them at the bottom with a small but sturdy looking horse and cart, the latter weighed down with what he assumed were the hobbit's personal belongings. Obviously seeing them as well the hobbit gave a flick of the reins and started up the hill to meet them, the horse appearing to have no problem with the load.

"Well at least he's prompt." Bifur pointed out, studying the hobbit closely.

Deciding to meet the man part way Thorin nudged his own mount into heading down the hill, turning around so that he was riding alongside the cart when they met up. "Good morning."

"Good morning to you as well." Bilbo knew he looked sleep deprived, and boy was he ever, but he worked up a smile that he desperately hoped hid the worst of his nerves. "I hope your trip here was pleasant."

"It was. Is this everything you're bringing?"

"Yes. I decided to leave the furniture and such for Frodo when he gets back. I tried not to bring my whole library but I'm afraid there were too many I couldn't quite bear to leave behind. I hope that won't be too much trouble."

They'd have to make more stops than he would have liked to give the hobbit's horse rest from its burden, but the cart wasn't so big that they should have too many problems. The halfling seemed to have packed well, securing everything properly, and worst case scenario they could store the cart and its contents somewhere and come back for it with animals better able to carry the load.

"It should be fine. Do we need to stop anywhere so that you can say goodbye to anyone?"

"No. No I said goodbye to everyone last night. They threw me quite the going away party, which is why I probably look a mess. I didn't really sleep at all to tell you the truth, which is why I decided to come out and meet you."

From where he sat Thorin didn't think a lot of the man's relatives, who apparently didn't care enough to travel to Erebor to see Bilbo married and support him, but it wasn't his place to speak badly of them until he and the hobbit were married. Then the man's relatives would be his and he'd have plenty to say about them whenever they came this way to visit Frodo Baggins, who was Bilbo's heir and was apparently like a son to his intended. He hadn't had the chance to meet the young hobbit, but if he was willing to go off with Gandalf to destroy that cursed ring he and his company had found Thorin was inclined to think well of the lad.

"Ready to go?"

"Ready."


	2. Traveling Companions

Disclaimer: As always I own nothing but the original characters and the situations all characters find themselves in. Everything else belongs to someone else and that's the way it's gotta be.

Note: This takes place in 'The Hobbit' timeline. I've just aged my favorite hobbits so they can destroy the ring ahead of time because I hate when its fate is left hanging in fanfics.

Traveling Companions

Once they had reached the others at the top of the hill Thorin made the introductions, pleased all around that his friends and nephew greeted his intended politely and that Bilbo was just as cordial, even thanking them for coming to escort him when they must have wished to remain in their mountain now that they'd gotten it back. Since he'd been worried that the hobbit would be upset he hadn't brought more men to insure his safety Thorin was grateful for that comment, suggesting that they start out as soon the general pleasantries had been taken care of. He was eager to get back to his mountain too.

As previously planned the other dwarves moved their mounts so that they were encircling the cart, acting as a sort of shield between their king's future consort and any unexpected danger. They weren't expecting any trouble, but it never hurt to be prepared.

They hadn't gone far when Kili asked Bilbo just how exactly the hobbit was related to the Shire's Thain, the young dwarf's voice making it clear what he thought of his future uncle's relative.

Lines appearing across his forehead as he sought to recall the exact connection, Bilbo slowly stated that he was fairly sure that they were fifth cousins twice removed on his mother's side, and third cousins on his father's. "I think that's right. I prefer to pretend I'm not related to him at all."

"You don't care for him then?" Gloin asked, thinking that would speak well of the hobbit.

"Oh we don't get along at all." Bilbo assured him with a grimace. "He's always after me to rein in Merry and Pippin even though those two are not only not children anymore, but aren't my children to control anyway. He knows he won't get anywhere with their actual parents, you see, and since they're so fond of my heir Frodo he seems to think I should be after the boy to set a proper example for them. Of course he's complained about Frodo plenty too, and over the silliest of things! I mean fussing about his hair, really."

"What's wrong with his hair?" Bofur asked, curiosity piqued.

"Nothing." Was Bilbo's firm reply. "Bingo just seems to think hobbits should wear their hair as short as he wears his. Frodo's is only a little longer than mine, but he's after me to make the boy cut his constantly, and after me to cut mine as well."

All the dwarves were in complete agreement that the Shire's Thain was utterly detestable for wanting to force the poor boy to cut his hair and said so.

Interested, Bilbo gave Thorin a questioning look. "I know dwarves are very particular about their beards…does the same apply to your hair?"

It wasn't as big a deal, no, but hair was to be kept long and only trimmed when absolutely necessary. As far as they were concerned, Kili blurted out, Bilbo's hair was far too short.

Rather than take offense Bilbo just laughed. "Those of you with straight hair can't begin to understand the perils of long, curly hair. Believe me, men with hair like mine would look horrible with hair as long as yours, Kili."

All eyes going to Bilbo's hair, the sun picking up the blond highlights beautifully, they had to admit that the way he looked right now was far more appealing than imagining him with curls hanging down to his waist, overwhelming the smiling face that was remarkably pleasant to look on.

"Your hair does suit you, Lad." Bofur assured him with a wink.

"Thank you. It suits Frodo too. Merry and Pippin as well come to that, though I won't argue those two do need to be reined in more than a little. One can only hope their time with Gandalf sees them growing up a little."

Curious to learn more about the hobbits who'd gone on the mission to destroy the ring, Gloin in particular wanting to know since his son had gone with them, the dwarves stumbled accidentally on a topic that was guaranteed to keep Bilbo talking for the rest of the morning as he heaped praise upon his heir and Samwise Gamgee. In between stories about them Bilbo told the dwarves about the mischievous and trouble making cousins Meriadoc Brandybuck and Peregrin Took. This included the story of the time the two, at the age of seven, decided to add an entire bottle of whiskey to the punchbowl reserved for the children at a spring festival, no one the wiser until the young ones began throwing up during dinner and the older ones removing all their clothes and pretending to be farm animals.

It had always been one of his favorites.

)

Twenty four stories about the pair later, the dwarves were so tired from laughing that Thorin called a break for lunch early, hoping that the meal would provide him with some time to regain his composure. He was not a man given to chuckle, much laugh easily, but he had a feeling that not even the snottiest of elves would not be able to keep a straight face if they'd been listening earlier. He was actually rather looking forward to seeing what his intended and the Mirkwood elves made of each other.

Glancing in the direction of the cart Thorin wasn't surprised to see that unlike the others Bilbo was busy feeding treats to his horse, who he'd fussed over in between stories since they'd left the Shire. The halfling spoke to it like it was a child…and the creature seemed to be eating the attention up with every mouthful of carrot or apple. Not that he blamed the beast, Bilbo did possess a surprisingly soothing, appealing voice.

Looking over at his nephew, who was grinning widely still as they tied up their horses, Thorin shook his head in bemusement, the barest hint of a smile on his lips. "And here I always thought you and Fili were handfuls. It seems there are at least two hobbits in this world who can make the pair of you seem well behaved by comparison."

Kili frowned, unsure whether to take that as a compliment or not. On the one hand his uncle was actually saying there were worse duos than him and Fili like it was a good thing, but still…he didn't like the thought that he and his brother had been outdone by a couple of hobbits.

He and Fili would have to discuss it when they got back to Erebor.

Everyone gathering their food for lunch they took seats on the grass or rocks, the dwarves did their best not to stare at the fact that Bilbo, who'd come over last, was carrying a whole hamper's worth of food. They knew that hobbits ate a great deal but even Bombur…

"Uhm, you're all welcome to help yourself to some of this." Bilbo said as he took a seat beside Thorin, thinking that was the most proper. "My family gave me a great deal of the leftovers from last night to bring with me. Some of it will spoil if it's not eaten soon."

While the dwarves watched with growing interest, especially since their lunches weren't anything special, Bilbo spread out a blanket on the ground and then started pulling out containers filled with finger food and fancy desserts.

Seeing the way his men were looking at the mini banquet Thorin held up a hand and ordered them to wait, telling Bilbo to take what he wanted first as there would be very little left once his men started helping themselves.

Frowning, technically he was sort of the host and therefore should eat last, Bilbo decided maybe this was a dwarf thing and not wanting to be rude took out a plate and helped himself to a little of everything before announcing he was done. Moments later, watching the dwarves descend on the food like wolves, Bilbo had to admit that his future husband had probably been very smart to have him go first.

"Aren't you going to have any?" Bilbo asked when he noticed Thorin was simply eating the lunch he'd brought.

"I ate well at breakfast." Actually he was somewhat tempted, the hobbits did know their food after all, but his men needed the sustenance more than he. It was a habit to look after them first, and one he didn't intend to break any time soon given the loyalty these particular men had shown him in the past.

To distract himself from the food Thorin asked Bilbo if he'd had a big breakfast too, since he hadn't taken much for himself.

"Oh, no, I actually had hardly any breakfast, though I ate my normal amount at second breakfast." Bilbo's lips curved a bit sheepishly. "I know that dwarves only eat three meals a day so I've been trying to cut down on my meals since you-uh-proposed. I've managed to cut out two whole meals." He added quite proudly.

While it was somewhat a relief to know that the man's recent weight loss wasn't a result of dreading their coming marriage Thorin didn't appreciate the suggestion that he couldn't feed the hobbit properly either. To that effect he informed the halfling that there was no need to cut back on his meals, that there would be enough food to cover all-how many meals did a hobbit have, anyway?

"Seven." Helpfully Bilbo rhymed them off.

"Where do you put it all?" Bifur wanted to know. "You should be as big as my brother Bombur."

"Actually, I was bigger than I am now before. I had to have most of my clothes taken in recently." Bilbo admitted ruefully, patting his stomach. He hadn't been this thin since he'd been Frodo's age. Unfortunately he didn't know whether dwarfs liked their men with rounder stomachs or not, but he rather thought he looked better without a shirt on now. Of course he didn't have a beard and couldn't grow one, which seemed to be a far bigger deal to them in the grand scheme of things. He probably wouldn't appeal to Thorin even if he were as beautiful as an elf, Bilbo acknowledged sadly, studying his plate. Actually scratch that, hobbits were better than elves in the eyes of dwarves. It was probably the height thing. He had a better chance with the dwarf king than an elf.

Bilbo chuckled at the thought.

"What amuses you?" Kili wanted to know, icing on the edge of his lip from the cupcake he'd just devoured.

"Oh…uhm…I was just thinking about how some people reacted to me cutting back on my meals back home. A number of them thought I was ill."

"You will eat as you need to once we are back at Erebor." On the road it wouldn't be ideal for the hobbit to eat everything in sight, but once they were back at the mountain he would not have his intended thinking for one moment that he couldn't provide for him.

Sensing that this was important to the king somehow Bilbo nodded, though he had no intention of doing so. The dwarves were currently rich in coin and metals, but not in food as they struggled to use their material wealth to buy the produce necessary for their continued survival. He would not eat more than any dwarf until the whole mountain had food to spare.

"So does your heir look like you, Master Baggins?" Bofur asked, thinking to avert an argument. He'd seen the stubborn set of the hobbit's jaw over the food thing and Thorin hadn't missed it either from the way he was eyeing the other man.

"Frodo? Oh no, he is considered QUITE the catch among the ladies." Extreme parental pride was back in the hobbit's voice. "In this case he takes after his mother's side of the family; he was often mistaken for a girl when he was a hobbitling. He's unusually thin, not built nearly as sturdy as the average hobbit, but everyone agrees that he's the best looking hobbit to come out of the Baggins family in at least five generations. In coloring he more resembles Thorin or Kili than me. Frodo's hair is raven black and he has the most stunning blue eyes I've ever seen."

Kili wasn't sure whether to take being compared to a hobbit yet again as insulting or not, while Thorin was a little taken aback to find himself wondering what Bilbo thought of his looks. And while the halfing eating so neatly beside him wasn't very good looking by dwarf standards, he would have still called him appealing if he were answering honestly. Did the hobbit not see himself clearly, or were the people of the Shire really so blind to what was worthy of admiration and what was not?

Pushing the thoughts aside, what did they matter after all, Thorin went back to being silent while Kili asked for another story about Merry and Pippin, his nephew apparently wanting to know more and his and Fili's competition when it came to finding and causing trouble.

)

Late that night, when the traveling was done for the day, Bilbo lay inside his sleep roll and stared up at the stars above him. He was a little sore and tired, but the bench on the cart had been padded enough that his rear hadn't suffered too much and he was surprisingly awake considering the late hour. All around him he could hear the sound of snoring, as well as a blade cutting through wood off to the side where Bofur was standing guard, whittling to pass the time. The toymaker was his favorite of Thorin's companions thus far, Kili a little exasperating but sweet as well. The others didn't talk much but they seemed nice enough as well, which was encouraging. He really wanted them to like him after all, sensing that their opinions of him would matter a lot to the king they were so obviously devoted to, Kili in particular.

The screech of an owl nearby had him jerking a little in surprise, though his logical side identified it before his heart settled down again. It reminded him of the fact that when he'd been little his mother had taken him out to sleep in the nearby woods, rhyming off the creatures responsible for the sounds they'd heard while they lay under their blankets.

"You cannot sleep?"

Turning his head in the direction of Thorin's voice, he'd thought the man asleep, Bilbo did his best not to fidget as he answered. "I suppose it's all the excitement, not knowing what's to come. Soon I'll be farther away from home than I've ever been."

"Yet you agreed to come." Which he still didn't understand, especially since nothing he'd learned about the hobbit indicated the man was interested in social status or personal wealth.

"Yes, I did. It's the Took in me, I suppose. My mother's side of the family. You wouldn't believe it, but back when I was Frodo's age I was considered very adventurous and brave, though not by the standards of Men or dwarves. I grew out of it of course, a hobbit must, but when Frodo came to live with me…he was so interested in the world outside the Shire that I sort of got pulled back into being fascinated along with him. I'd imagine if he hadn't come to live with me I'd have probably been polite when you came to call and turned you down flat."

Thorin had been on plenty of 'adventures', and while he didn't regret them, he wouldn't have retaken his mountain otherwise, he could have done without them. If he could have never left Erebor that would have suited him just fine. But his life before Smaug had undoubtedly been more interesting than the life one would live in a sleepy little village full of people who seemed to like their lives to be as dull and boring as possible.

And thinking of adventures Thorin asked the hobbit if he worried for his heir. The Eagles had agreed to fly the fellowship to Mordor to dispatch the ring, but they would have to land at times and the world was a very dangerous place for those unfamiliar with its perils. Even the most seasoned of travelers had cause to tread very carefully in certain areas.

"I can't help but worry…but Gandalf is with him, and Strider. I'm sure Gloin's son is quite the warrior, and the Mirkwood prince as well. And Frodo's cousins and friend Sam might not be fighters, but they'd die to keep each other safe."

"You know Gandalf well?"

"He was good friends with my mother. He didn't come around often, after she passed away, but he started coming somewhat regularly recently, after meeting Frodo. The two are fast friends."

"I look forward to meeting him."

Bilbo smiled at that, he wanted the two to meet as well. And since they were on the subject… "Why is it so important the ring is destroyed?"

A long pause greeted the question, Thorin finally giving the answer that the ring was cursed to do harm to all those who tried to use it, as well as giving those with evil intent more power.

"I see. It's good that it will be destroyed then."

Gandalf had sworn him and his company to secrecy as to the exact nature of the ring they'd taken from the creature called Gollum. He'd said that it wasn't safe for word to get out that the One Ring had been found and was going to be destroyed. Naturally he'd heard the legends, and had given some thought to trying to wield it himself to retake his throne, but at that point in the journey the sickness of his line had yet to take hold of him and his trust in Gandalf had been strong enough that he'd allowed the wizard to take it and hide it somewhere safe, retrieving it after the Lonely Mountain had been retaken.

So Thorin didn't explain how noble and brave the quest Frodo and his friends had undertaken was. He'd leave that to them to tell.

"Go to sleep now. It will be morning soon enough."


	3. Up A Tree

Disclaimer: As always I own nothing but the original characters and the situations all characters find themselves in. Everything else belongs to someone else and that's the way it's gotta be.

Note: The story Bilbo tells about the trolls is just because that's my favorite scene of the first movie so I had to include it in some fashion. Hope you enjoy heh.

Up A Tree

The next morning the dwarves didn't know what to be more surprised about, the fact that the hobbit had apparently risen before all of them, or the fact that he was immaculately dressed in a new outfit and smelled like honeysuckle as he went about warming up some breakfast. As before Bilbo offered to share the food he'd brought with him, charming them in spite of themselves. It seemed that unlike the rest of them the halfling had opted to bring real food instead of travel rations, which made his provisions a great deal more appealing and their acceptance of his offerings immediate.

Hobbits were curious folk, but by Mahal they knew their food.

Once everyone had added some of the hobbit's food to their rations the dwarves and Bilbo settled into eat, the friends talking amongst themselves while Bilbo just listened. He would learn more about them that way, and he really hadn't gotten enough sleep the night before and it was only ingrained habit that had had him rising as early as he had.

So he stayed quiet until Kili made an offhanded remark about how he hoped Fili, his brother, wouldn't have to deal with any elf delegates before they got back, the other dwarves agreeing with that since the prince got along with the pointy eared menaces about as well as Thorin did.

"If you'd like help dealing with them, I'd be happy to help." Bilbo told Thorin as soon as he'd finished swallowing. "I speak Elvish."

Surprised, Thorin asked why he'd bothered to learn that language, his tone making it clear that he thought anything related to elves wasn't worth knowing.

Knowing full well that it wasn't in his best interests to go into a spiel about the fascinating history and culture of the Elvish race, especially when he was in such awe of them and it showed, Bilbo simply explain his decision as a choice based on his love of languages in general. He would have loved to have learned to speak Khuzdul as well, he assured them, had the opportunity been there.

"As my consort you may learn it, though you need not worry about the elves. They are my burden to deal with."

"But I would be middle ground between the two of you." Bilbo protested, seeing a way to make himself useful to Thorin. "They would have no problem dealing with me, and if you just tell me what you want from them and what you're willing to pay then I could act in your steed. You'd never have to deal with them when it comes to trivial matters, only on the truly important matters."

"I promised you a life of leisure in exchange for your agreement to be my consort."

"And any consort who does nothing to help his or her people when they can does not deserve that title."

With mouths hanging slightly open the other dwarves watched in stunned silence as a hobbit not only argued, but was currently trading glares with their king as the two went back and forth with increasingly forceful tones of voice. They were pretty sure the men had forgotten that they even had an audience as they learned more about the arrangement between the two than they'd previously known.

And then their jaws dropped down to the ground when Bilbo slapped a hand over Thorin's mouth, cutting off whatever it was their king had about to say.

Oh no you don't, was all Bilbo could think, you are not telling the others that our marriage is going to be in name only. His level of personal pride might not be on the same level as dwarves, but he'd die laughing before he'd let anyone outside the two of them know how little Thorin desired him.

His mouth open wide in shock behind Bilbo's hand, it took Thorin a minute of unrelieved silence before it occurred to him why the hobbit had reacted that way. And the look in his intended's eyes, well that look suggested the much slighter man would gut him like a fish if he dared to speak another word about their future married life. He was not used to being looked at that way, least of all by someone he could disarm or kill so easily, and while normally the implied threat alone would be reason to kill him, in this instance…Thorin found the hobbit's behavior to be rather endearing, strangely enough.

He could feel Thorin's lips curve against his hand, Bilbo hand dropping away immediately since he wanted to see the dwarf smile.

"You have courage, Little One, though common sense..."

Scowling at the nickname and the other implication, Bilbo very pertly reminded the man that that nickname was very funny considering they both belonged to races that were noted for being smaller than many in terms of stature.

"Even though you are surprisingly tall for a dwarf." Bilbo belatedly added, finally realizing that not only had he possibly crossed the line, but had done so while they had a rapt audience.

"You'd do well to keep that in mind."

)

No one talked much after that, not even after they'd packed up and once again set off to continue their journey home. None of the dwarves knew what to make of this hobbit who kept surprising them as their preconceived notions were laid to ruins, and Bilbo thought it wise not to call too much attention to himself since he wasn't entirely sure he hadn't just insured a very cold reception at Erebor once the dwarves around him got done telling their kin and friends about his behavior earlier.

And the worst part was the fact that he couldn't apologize for what he'd said because while Bilbo wasn't sure what Thorin would look for in a life partner, he was sure that the king would have no interest in someone without strength of character. He couldn't look weak, especially when dwarves seemed to think that his people were timid and easily frightened by nature.

Perhaps that was true in many cases, but he was both Took and Baggins, and that meant he was tougher than most. Probably. He hoped.

It was only during and after lunch that the chatter really got going again, most of the talk revolving around how they were going to safely navigate a stretch of ground that wouldn't allow them to encircle the cart and its passenger. It was also not the best in terms of terrain, which was how it came to be that Bofur was assigned to ride on the cart and lead the pony instead of Bilbo, who decided not to argue with this decision since he wouldn't mind the company and his ego wasn't so big that he couldn't admit that Bofur could probably handle the pony better than him in an emergency.

So after lunch Bilbo found himself sitting beside the dwarf as they headed out, the hobbit torn as to whether he should attempt to engage the dwarf in conversation or not. Luckily this particular member of Thorin's company was more observant than most, because he sensed the hobbit's hesitation and immediately set about putting Bilbo at ease.

"You needn't worry about Thorin, if you are. It can only do him good to have a consort with some backbone as far as I'm concerned. Man's too hard headed for three dwarves sometimes. I wouldn't apologize either, if you want my opinion." Bofur took his eyes off the trail just long enough to wink in Bilbo's direction. "You'll be good for him, I'm sure of it now."

Ears burning just a little Bilbo smiled gratefully nonetheless, relieved to hear that at least one of his new companions still liked him after his height comment. "Thank you, Master Bofur."

"Just Bofur's fine, especially with you insisting we call you Bilbo." And with a grin on his face the dwarf asked if Bilbo made a habit of going toe to toe with people who were a great deal stronger and bigger than him.

"No, thankfully, I usually have more sense." A rueful look came into the hobbit's eyes. "And that earlier argument ended a lot better than the last time I angered someone a great deal bigger than myself."

Concerned and intrigued, Bofur immediately wanted to know what had happened.

"I got thrown into a tree."

When Bofur just stared at him in dumbfounded shock Bilbo couldn't help but grin quite mischievously as he launched into the story about how he'd come to be thrown into a tree by a very angry mountain troll.

It had happened when a sickness of unknown origins had come to the Shire some ten years before. They'd come to call it 'The Sleeping Sickness' because it seemed to drain all the energy out of those who caught it, and caused them to lie about in bed without the strength to so much as lift their head. Many remedies had been tried, all failing, and so when a good friend of his had caught the sickness he'd decided to head to a valley a day's ride away from the Shire where there were plants that his mother had once told him had strength building properties. It had seemed worth a shot and he hadn't gotten sick so he'd thought that perhaps the strange plants his mother had been feeding him since he was young had had something to do with it.

He'd collected as much of the plants as he could and had decided to spend the night there in order to give his pony a rest, the beast old and not used to the pace he'd set for it that day. It was while he was cooking dinner that he'd been set upon by three mountain trolls, the horrible creatures passing him around between them as they discussed whether to boil him alive, chop him up and put him in stew, or just fight for the right to eat him whole and raw.

"However did you get away?" Bofur wanted to know, it a real struggle now to keep his eyes off the incredible storyteller beside him, who painted such a vivid picture in his mind that his heart was pounding in his chest even though he knew the hobbit came out of it all right since he was sitting right beside him.

"By convincing them I was a dwarf."

"What?!"

"Well you see they'd never seen a hobbit before so they had no idea what I was. Once I realized that they were a little leery of eating me because of that I formulated a rather genius plan if I do say so myself. I told them that I was a dwarf, only I'd been struck with a horrible, mutating disease that had caused my muscles to waste away, my beard to fall off, and had caused my ears to become misshapen. I told them that I'd been cast away by my kin because I was highly infectious, and that they should go ahead and eat me because then my misery would end. Then I added that at least I knew I'd be avenged against them since they were sure to be infected themselves when they ate me, and then they'd rue the day they met me."

"That's brilliant!"

"Thank you." Bilbo had to stop himself from puffing up a little at that, especially since this story always got him looks from his elders when he told it back home. "Anyway, my ploy worked, obviously, because I'd hardly gotten my explanation out before the one holding me threw me in disgust, sending me sailing into a tree quite a distance away from them. As you can imagine that could have ended very badly for me, but luckily my coat managed to catch on a jagged branch, giving me time to regain my senses before I attempted to get down on my own. I was quite battered and bruised by the time I got down, but I was alive to tell the tale which was more than I had expected. My poor pony though, they ate her instead."

Bilbo's smile faded a little as he remembered poor Marigold. He'd taken to growing the flowers she'd been named for in his garden, a sort of memorial, and he would miss their bright color. He could only hope that this new pony of his didn't meet a bad fate.

"And did the plants help your people, then?"

Immediately perking back up Bilbo was delighted to say that they had, though it had taken a passing tinker with knowledge of the sickness to finally rid them of the problem for good. A very nice man, that tinker, excellent wares of fine quality.

Falling into a discussion about the buying and selling of wares, both men passionate about the art of bargaining and disdainful of those who never argued a price, Bilbo and Bofur had a lovely time regaling the other with the best deals they'd managed to wrangle both in buying and selling.

"You really should work on Thorin to get him to let you help him with the elves." Bofur declared at one point, slapping his knee in enjoyment. "You'd be much better at it than him. You've a right sharp mind, Bilbo Baggins, and the charm needed for this sort of thing." It went without saying that Thorin and diplomacy didn't often go hand in hand.

Blushing quite prettily Bilbo somewhat bashfully thanked the dwarf for the compliment. He didn't know about charming, but his mother had always said that one of a hobbit's greatest weapons was their minds. They weren't built for combat, nor did their lifestyle and culture provide much opportunity to learn. Their ability to hide and go unnoticed were certainly valuable in dangerous situations, but that wouldn't save them if they were caught by whoever meant them harm. If they were captured than all they had was their wits, and that they could keep as sharp as any blade even in the Shire.

Fairly sure he would have liked Bilbo's mother Bofur said so even as he thought to himself that the halfling beside him really was rather cute when he blushed, and he could see why Thorin had picked him. He might not be attractive by most dwarven standards, but then cuteness wasn't exactly considered appealing unless one was referring to their children. He was a toymaker though, so he had a great appreciation for the adorable and cute.

He'd do what he could to see Thorin and his new friend were a happy couple, Bofur decided with renewed determination. He wanted Bilbo to keep smiling so prettily, and Thorin to forget himself and show them a softer side they'd rarely gotten to see over the years.

)

The sound of the halfling's laughter was musical in nature, the dwarves having to work hard not to look back towards the cart that was positioned in the middle of their company, Bofur apparently saying something that Bilbo found utterly hilarious once again. In the two hours the two had been traveling in the cart together the others had been caught again and again by the laughter and interesting faces their friend and Bilbo were making at each other, Kili nearly running into a tree in distraction at one point. Thorin, for his part, had allowed himself only a couple glances backward to check on the pair, disturbed by his strange feelings regarding the fact that the two seemed to be becoming as thick as thieves. Hadn't he wanted them to be friends, knowing that Bofur would be a good one for his consort to make?

So why did he have this puzzling desire to punch the toymaker?

Shifting to glance in the direction of the cart yet again, Kili wondered outloud what they were talking about now, his insatiable curiosity getting the better of him. Plus his future uncle did tell some very interesting stories, and he was eager to hear more as soon as the opportunity presented itself.

Unfortunately Thorin had made it quite clear he didn't think he could be trusted to talk to Bilbo AND drive the cart.

"They'll be talking about your inability to stay on your mount if you keep directing your attention behind us instead of forward, nephew."

Shoulders hunching at his uncle's tone, he knew it all too well, Kili tried and failed to look like he didn't know what his king was talking about. "You know, Uncle, perhaps you should ride with the hobbit after our next stop. You are getting married after all, and I'm sure he'd like your company."

If his uncle was sitting in the cart he wouldn't be able to yell at him as easily, plus the two together would be a lot less distracting since they quite obviously didn't along nearly as well as Bilbo did with Bofur. Uncle Thorin wouldn't be interested in stories either, so that would mean the hobbit would save them for later, when he'd hopefully be around to hear them.

The look Thorin gave him in response to his suggestion had Kili going very, very quiet.

Appreciating the silence, though he had no doubt it wouldn't last long, Thorin turned all his concentration to what lay ahead, refusing to acknowledge the way the hobbit's laughter and smiles threatened to shatter his concentration, or his desire to be the one the halfling was heaping those sweet gestures upon. The safety of his company and consort were all he should be thinking about, the plans he would implement once he returned to Erebor the only thoughts that should be competing for his attention.

Besides…he would have years to enjoy his consort's laughter, smiles and sass.


	4. Home Sweet Home

Disclaimer: As always I own nothing but the original characters and the situations all characters find themselves in. Everything else belongs to someone else and that's the way it's gotta be.

Home Sweet Home

The rest of the journey was relatively uneventful, Bilbo getting the chance to learn more about Thorin's friends and Thorin himself since after the first ride with Bofur his intended had rotated who rode with him on the cart so that everyone not of the Durin line took a turn. Thorin never did, unfortunately, but according to Bofur that was just because their leader naturally felt he had to lead the way at all times. His new friend was quite sure his king would be riding with him the whole way there if it was possible. Naturally Bilbo knew that wasn't true, but he decided he wouldn't be fooling himself too much to believe that Thorin would have ridden with him at least once if he wasn't obsessed with being in front to face any potential danger first.

By the time they arrived at their destination night had fallen, the small group having pushed on ahead due to the mountain's nearness and their desire to reach home and sleep in their own places.

Bilbo didn't bother to ask if there would have been a welcoming committee if not for the late hour, at this point he was too tired to care and concentrated instead on not falling off the cart in exhausted weariness. In some corner of his mind he knew he should also be paying more attention to his surroundings, this was his introduction to his new home after all, but in truth he was so homesick that not even the front entrance, which probably would have bowled him over otherwise, could impress him. He got out of the cart when he was told to, handing over his belongings to a stranger without a word of protest because that didn't matter either. He just wanted a room, a bed, and to be alone at this point.

"Tomorrow, once you've rested, I'll give you a tour of Erebor." Thorin said as he came to a stop beside the hobbit, who looked more than a little tired and worn to him. Still dressed well and perfectly put together, but the journey had obviously been a bit much for the gentle halfing.

With that in mind Thorin eyed the sack that Bilbo had taken from the cart, his clothes no doubt, and nimbly nipped it from the hobbit's hand before the other man could protest. It was the least he could do after all. "Come, I'll show you to your rooms."

Struggling to understand what he was being told Bilbo nodded his head, willingly to let the dwarf carry his bag for him if it meant he'd get to a warm bed that much faster. Nor did he complain when Thorin took his arm and then dismissed the others for the night once they were safely within the walls of Erebor, Bofur assuring the hobbit that he'd personally see to it that all his belongs made their way to him come morning.

Remembering his manners Bilbo worked up a smile and managed a small bow. "Thank you, Bofur. Good night, Everyone. Thank you for your escort here."

All of them saying their goodbyes with various degrees of affection and amusement over the state of the sleepy hobbit, the other members of the company left their king and the man's consort to make their way through the mountain without them. The two needed alone time anyway, and Bofur kept a firm grip on Kili just in case the prince decided to double back despite their edict not to.

Too exhausted to even care or get excited that they were alone for the first time since Thorin had proposed to him, Bilbo was content to let himself be led, wondering how he was ever going to learn to navigate this place when pretty much all the hallways looked alike to him. Which could just be his exhaustive state, he was hoping that it was. And they were taking the long way apparently, the faster route still under construction.

"You're homesick."

Bilbo jerked in surprise when Thorin finally said something that was actually related to the personal, and he didn't even bother to deny the truth of the statement since it was probably brutally obvious. Not to mention the fact that he knew that few knew the state he was in better than the dwarves he'd been traveling with the past few days. "Yes, but I'll be fine."

Silence reigned once more for a good five minutes and then Thorin spoke again, his tone betraying little. "What we think something is like, what it will cost us often falls short of our imaginations. It will be ten days until the ceremony. You have until then to decide whether you wish to stay or not. I will not hold you to your word until after we are married."

Eyes widening in surprise Bilbo let go of the arm through his and instead took Thorin's hand in his without thinking the gesture through, wanting only to make his commitment clear. "I'm not going to change my mind, Thorin. I'm staying. With you."

Looking down at their joined hands Thorin couldn't remember the last time his hand had been held. For a very long time now affectionate gestures aimed in his direction came in the form of head knocking and back slapping, handshakes and the very rare hug from those closest to him. None of that was remotely similar to having the hobbit's soft, small hand clutching his so trustingly. The halfling had all but entered a new world here, one so removed from his previous life that there was little comparison between the two.

And this man, this Bilbo Baggins of the Shire, was determined to stay. With him.

"My word is my bound, as you well know, but-"

"Are you trying to talk me out of staying? Do you regret asking me?" Thinking nothing of interrupting Thorin, especially when he was too sore and worn to care about manners, Bilbo tightened his hold on the dwarf heavily calloused hand, having no intention of letting go any time soon.

He was confused for a moment, by the hurt that he heard in the hobbit's statement, so that it took Thorin a moment to come to the conclusion that he'd hurt the other man's pride, not his feelings. They didn't have the sort of bond or relationship where that would be an issue. Would they someday though…perhaps, as friends. Given how quickly his hobbit had endeared himself to their travel companions it would appear that Bilbo was very easy to like and get to know. And he'd already decided that the halfling was the best choice he could make given the decision he'd had to make concerning his future consort so his answer was obvious.

"No. I wish you to stay."

"Good. Because I am, Thorin Oakenshield." In a softer voice Bilbo reminded the dwarf king that the mountain would become home to him eventually. He'd brought the material things that mattered most to him, and he would be able to visit the Shire. He'd make new friends here, and once they were married he'd have family here as well.

Stubbornness knew stubbornness, so Thorin simply nodded and agreed that he would not bring it up again unless Bilbo did. They were both too tired to argue anyway, the king noted, watching as the hobbit covered his mouth yet again to cover a yawn.

Content with that Bilbo fell silent too, his hand remaining in Thorin's for the remainder of their walk.

)

Given Thorin's statement that their marriage would be in name only, Bilbo had expected that they would have separate rooms. As it turned out it was apparently normal for royal couples to have their own rooms, usually connected by a door or in their case, a bathroom, which was somewhat a relief to the hobbit who hadn't liked the idea of the servants gossiping about their sleeping arrangements. There would still be gossip of course, but at least this made it look a little better. Plus he actually had three rooms all to himself, a front parlor area, a study of sorts that he would be thrilled about later, and most importantly a bedroom for him to sleep in.

There would be a bed in that room for him to sleep on, which at this point was all he cared about as they stood in his new, very empty looking parlor. He'd look over everything and start planning where his things would go tomorrow and said so. He just wanted to go to sleep.

Amused, the hobbit was nearly asleep on his feet, Thorin nodded and settled for reminding the other man that if he needed him he had only to go through the bathroom and knock on the opposite door. Otherwise he'd see him for breakfast in the morning.

Nodding his understanding Bilbo was finally reminded of the fact that they were still holding hands when Thorin let his go, the hobbit frowning at the action though his brain was too foggy at the moment to allow him to form an embarrassing complaint.

"Good night."

"Good night." Bilbo echoed automatically, the two staring at each other awkwardly for several heartbeats before Thorin nodded, handed over the bag he'd carried for the halfling, and then left through the main door so that Bilbo was finally alone in his new quarters.

Thankfully, at this point, Bilbo was just too damn tired to care how alone he suddenly was in this strange place.

It was also entirely due to his father's training that Bilbo didn't just climb into the bed he desperately wanted and pass out like he longed to. But his father had been fastidious about treating his clothes well and the importance of a proper nightly routine. Even mostly unconscious he could hear his father's voice lecturing him about what he had to do before he was allowed to turn in for the night, which was more than a little annoying. Allowances had been made while they were traveling but they were indoors now, with a proper bed and bathroom, and that meant there was no excuse this time around.

Muttering under his breath that it was times like this he almost wished he was more like a Took, Bilbo stripped out of his clothes in his new bedroom then and neatly piled them on a chair, opening his bag then to withdraw and don the nightshirt he hadn't worn during the journey since he was far too proper to wear such a thing in front of strangers. It had been a present from his grandmother and too big to begin with, made worse thanks to his recent weight loss, but he hadn't seen the point in replacing a nearly new garment just because it slid down to show a lot more shoulder than it was supposed to. No one would see after all.

Mussing his hair up as he ran his fingers through his curls Bilbo let himself yawn widely without bothering to cover his mouth as he grabbed the pouch that contained some of his most necessary grooming supplies and then headed back out the way he'd come.

Okay, just one more thing to do and the rest...he'd deal with later.

Yawning all the way Bilbo headed for the door that apparently led to the bathroom, blinking in stunned shock at the opulence that greeted his eyes when he opened the door and got a look inside. By all of Middle Earth…

It was huge, for one thing, but what really got him was the fact that the floor beneath his feet is a mosaic, meant to look like a huge sun in a blue sky with the highly polished yellow, red and orange gemstones seeming to burn and swirl before his eyes. There was another mosaic on the far wall too, above the tub, and it had been designed to resemble a waterfall, the lack of sound jarring because Bilbo felt he should be hearing the water rush down to crash on the rocks beneath it. And once he got over that…well then he had to marvel over the size of the black marble tub, which he was fairly sure he could swim in if he so desired, though not really well. More than enough room for two, anyway, he thought with a fair amount of blushing.

Embarrassed by his mental images Bilbo turned too quickly towards the sink and nearly landed face first on the ground as he stumbled, his exhaustion throwing off his balance. By the grace of the gods he caught himself, the loss of equilibrium snapping Bilbo out of his daze and reminding him that it would be a very bad thing if he were to continue to dawdle and gap at everything, especially since he didn't want Thorin coming in here in the morning to find him asleep on the floor or possibly even standing up.

Deliberately turning his attention back towards the sink he wasn't going to ooh and ahh over despite it deserving the attention, Bilbo walked over and set down his bag, retrieving and then unscrewing the lid off one of the containers. Setting the lid aside he dipped one finger in the herb concoction Bilbo thoroughly covered it and then went to work rubbing the mix into his teeth as quickly as he could.

When he was done with the necessary tasks Bilbo turned the tap on to wash his hands off and then put the items he'd gotten out back in his bag. He'd just leave it here for now, no point in carrying it back with him when he'd need it all tomorrow anyway.

Taking one last look around, he couldn't help himself, Bilbo sighed over the pearly white sink that had been shaped to resemble a quarter moon, the black marble countertop inlaid with familiar constellations in silver that popped against the darkness of their backdrop. It occurred to him too that there might be more to see on the ceiling, but he reined himself in and simply promised himself a thorough look over in the morning.

Decision made Bilbo was about to head back to his rooms when the other door opened and Thorin stepped through, looking very surprised to see him.

He must need to use the bathroom, Bilbo realized, giving the other man a small, sleepy smile as he told him the lovely bathroom was all his before heading towards his own door and slipping out before the dwarf could say anything.

)

Thorin wasn't exactly sure how long he stood there like a complete and utter fool, deciding later that it was probably for the best that he didn't know. All he did know for sure was that he now had a number of images engraved into his brain that he really could have done without, mental pictures that he was very sure were going to make his dealings with his intended more than a little awkward for the next little while at the very least. It might have been a very, very long time since he'd been in this position, Thorin acknowledged, but what he did remember was not pleasant.

And the whole thing was utterly ridiculous, Thorin told himself after he'd gone back to his own bedroom, suddenly wide awake and incapable of quieting his thoughts. He was far too old and busy to be so easily distracted by someone he was marrying as a matter of convenience and duty. Someone he couldn't bed even if he were to admit to himself that it he hadn't seen anyone look quite so beguiling and seductive as his future consort had looked in the bathroom in quite some time. Dark honey curls all mussed, eyes sleepy and half lidded while the halfling stood there in a night shirt that showed far too much pale, lightly freckled shoulder-and was liable to drive a man half mad the way it hid the rest of its wearer shape, taunting him to find out what was underneath and hidden from his sight.

Hobbits weren't built like dwarves after all, so much smaller and delicate looking by comparison. He didn't know anyone who'd ever stated what a hobbit looked like without clothing, and now Thorin had to admit he really rather desperately wished to know. Was the hobbit's skin as soft and smooth as it looked, as lovely to touch as the hand he'd held in his so naturally on their walk to the rooms that were so close to his own. And hobbits didn't grow beards, did that mean the only body hair they allowed were on their heads and feet? Were their ears as sensitive as elves were said to be, both being of a pointed nature?

And realizing abruptly the dangerous path he was going down Thorin called himself an even bigger fool for overlooking one very important detail, the fact that he'd heard that hobbits did not lie with those of the same gender. The Thain of Bilbo's Shire had confirmed that when he'd argued against his choice in consort.

He hadn't thought it mattered when he'd decided on the halfling for his consort, having had no interest in marrying at that point except as a political strategy anyway. He'd never been married, and at his age he'd long grown accustom to a solitary life that revolved around his people and Erebor. Wanting something for his pleasure alone…was not a luxury he'd had since his grandfather had ruled this mountain before him.

Perhaps if he were of Kili's age, and had the boy's youthful optimism, he'd pursue Bilbo regardless and attempt to woo the hobbit and introduce him to the pleasures that could be had between men, but no…he'd already said that this was to be a marriage in name only, stated at the time because he'd thought the hobbit would reject his proposal otherwise.

So he'd simply bury these feelings, Thorin decided resolutely, dwarvish stubbornness such that he had no doubt he'd have no problems in the future now that he'd seen the problem and come up with the only viable solution.

They'd just be two confirmed bachelors who just happened to be married to each other.

He'd make it work.

Somehow.


End file.
